Aussie Loses First Olympic Medal Before Games Even Start

Sports fans from Ausfailure were gutted today when yet another attempt to send a player to the Olympics by rorting the rules was trounced by The Court of Arbitration for Sport.

This follows hot on the heals of FIFA laughing off an attempt by Football Ausfailure to play a banned player during the Bejing games.

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FIFA says F-OFF FFS to FFA

International Soccer ringmasters Fifa have laughed off the tuggery of the Football Federation of Ausfailure after they tried to impose an on again off again ban on one of their thugs for smacking over a ref. Originally suspended from competing at the August 8-24 Games after being handed a 15-month suspension for striking referee Mark

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Ausfailure Offers Advice On Losing For Kiwis

New Zealand Rugby League bosses have sought the advice of their counterparts from Ausfailure as the World Champion Rugby League team came to terms with the embarrassing loss to easybeats the Kangalose in an exhibition match played to promote the game in Wellington on the weekend.

Formerly known as the ANZAC Test the friendly match

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Ausfailure Adopts New Flag Following Second Tri Nations Humiliation

Ausfailure Adopts New Flag

Ausfailure today announced that it was adopting a new flag in recognition of it’s sporting woes over the last 2 years. The flag fittingly replaces all the stars with asterisks on the current flag.

Humilitated by New Zealand in 2005 in the Tri Nations final where Willy Mason

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Ausfailure Tri Nations Series Starts With Disaster

Bring Back The Boof-Head (from unconscienceness)

Ausfailure began their attempt to win back the Tri Nations Trophy from current champions New Zealand with a predictable effort on Saturday night at Mt Smart in Auckland, New Zealand.

As always Ausfailure insisted on an Aussie ref to assist them and as per usual they have spent

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Aussie Puckerood By Kiwis At World Champs

New Zealand’s Black Sticks shocked Australia with a scoreless draw in their second match of the women’s World Champions Trophy hockey tournament in Amsterdam this morning.

The young New Zealanders kept the world’s third-ranked side goalless and came close to upsetting them again after their shock win in last year’s Oceania tournament.

The puckeroos suffered

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Oceania Now A Chance in World Title

The New Zealand junior girls’ table tennis team won the Oceania title to qualify for the world championships in Egypt in December.

They beat Ausfailure 3-Nil in the Oceania final in Geelong. World Finals officials were jubilant that a team from New Zealand would represent Oceania in December saying ‘At least now we can be

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“We Wuz Robbed” Whingefest Continues

True to the long standing traditions of whinging when you are too crap to win born again Soccer thugs from Ausfailure are queuing up to have a crack at any ref who doesn’t have sufficient affect on the game to hand them an easy win.

The latest whinge has come about after Ausfailure once more

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Ausfailure Whinge Again

As Ausfailure struggles to come to terms with the fact that they are pretty much crap at everything these days Aussies are leading the charge in blaming everyone but themselves for their crap performances. Even those who have buggered off from Loser Central to hide from the humiliating defeats still find their natural talent for

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Ausfailure Humiliation Addiction Continues

As the sad and sorry brokenhearted people of Ausfailure struggle to come to terms with their new found status as the World’s Easybeats at Sport another humiliation has fallen upon them.

Yesterday they actually lost a game of cricket to New Zealand.

Yes, New Zealand, a country that struggles to get 11 people to play

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Aussie The Team To Beat

Beware of the slippery slope.

Great Britain coach Brian Noble has stopped crying over the Tri Nations thrashing from New Zealand on Sunday and has set his sights on beating Ausfailure next weekend.

After watching his side lose 42-26 to New Zealand at Loftus Road yesterday (AEDT) – putting the Kiwis on top of

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World Shocked At Ocker Win

In news just to hand Ausfailure has won something. Sports journalists the world over were rocked when Ausfailure’s International Rules team triumphed over Ireland.

Ausfailure wrapped up the series on Friday with a 21-point win.

“We desperately needed to win this match” said an ecstatic Ocker as he shed tears of pride over the long

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Aussie Sheilas Get On The Slippery Slope

The Hockeyroos suffered their first loss to New Zealand in five years and 22 matches to cap a black weekend for Australian women’s teams against their trans-Tasman foes. The 1-0 loss in the first Test of the three-match Oceania World Cup qualifying series followed the Australian netball team’s record 61-36 defeat to the world champion

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Ausfailure: The Green and Golden Shower?

The Green and Golden Shower

Ausfailure today accepted that it had earned the tile of the Green and Golden Shower following the historic loss to New Zealand (again) in the Netball Test held at Waitakarie between the Silver Ferns and Ausfailure.

New Zealand scored a record 61 points against the former

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Ausfailure Lowers Bar on Whinging

Skull of an Aussie

World champion moaners Ausfailure were today awarded the Gold Medal in Whinging following a poll by legendary sports announcers.

The Medal is the highest honor for whingers and until recently is was seen that England owned the rights to this annual award, but Ausfailure has creamed all the opposition following

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Kiwis Announce 4th String Team To Play Australia

New Zealand today was allowed to announce it’s rugby league team to play Australia in the upcoming Tri-Nations series.

The team is: Brent Webb, Jake Webster, Paul Whatuira, Clinton Toopi, Manu Vatuvei, Nigel Vagana, Stacey Jones, Paul Rauhihi, Lance Hohaia, Ruben Wiki, David Kidwell, Frank Pritchard and Louis Anderson.

On the bench are David Faiumu,

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Australia Announces New Test Strip

Australian Captain Ms Darren Lockyer shows off the new test strip for the paparazzi.

The head honchos of Australian Rugby League today announced that for all test matches against formidable third string Kiwi rugby league sides Australian Players would be kitted out in a special playing strip. A spokesman said that the new strip

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Latest Aussie Whinge ‘Pointless’ Say Experts

When Australia’s team enters the arena during the opening ceremony of the Salt Lake City Winter Olympic Games next month, the athletes will be wearing woolen overcoats made in New Zealand.

Worth more than $2000 retail, the coats were made with a blend of Australian and Kiwi lambswool by Knights of New Zealand under contract

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Australia Sh!tting Bricks In Lead Up To ANZAC Test

‘Packing bricks’ is how Australian sources close to the test team yet to be announced described the camp’s feeling towards the announcement that a neutral referee will officiate in this years ANZAC test.

“Using neutral refs doesn’t help our cause at all, and it goes against the grain to have to accept that.’ said an

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Kiwis Humiliate Ausfailure In Tri Nations, Again

Kangalose

As expected the Kiwi Rugby League team humliated the Kangalose from Ausfailure in the Tri Nations final on Sunday morning dicking the former world champions 24 to nothing.

Yes, that what I said 24 to nothing.

Ausfailure was unable score any points against NZ and most sports journalists agree that the effort flattered

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