Australia Silver Tally Reaches New High

Runner Up Capital Of The World, Australia, today reached the unheard of tally of 21 second place prizes at the Sydney Olympics.

“We are top notch at being second rate” said a patriot.

Sources revealed that the avalanche of runner up prizes was going a long way toward restoring some national pride after the recent

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Silver Slide Continues

Australia’s dream of being the best at being almost good enough turned to sh!t today as they were overhauled by Russia in the Runner Up Stakes.

Russia sits on 28 Silver medals and Australia is on 25 with arch rivals and idols the USA.

Russia, always in top contention in the loser stakes, fulfilled it’s

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Silver Medal Tally Grows

Australian 1500 metre specialist ‘Gilly’ Perkins has made it a dream come true by winning silver in the mens 1500 freestyle final at the Sydney 2000 Olympics.

“I’ve tried to get this medal 3 times now and finally I have my hands on it”

“It’s a dream come true”

Perkins missed out on two previous

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Australia Storm Into Second Place

Skippy

In unbelievable scenes today Australia stormed into 2nd place in the Olympics. They sit on 11 points behind arch rivals and idols, the Americans.

The Prime Minsters Office has declared September 18th an annual national holiday to celebrate reaching what many said was an unattainable goal by collecting so many second prizes.

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Out Of The Money And Loving It

The Australian nation rejoiced as one today as it slumped to 4th place in Olympics.

“I like coming second so much, I’ll have two of ’em” said King Packy The Second on behalf of his followers.

USA remains on top in an unassailable lead and today paid tribute to the Australian effort.

“We wish to

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Sponsors Thrilled With Exposure

Soccer Thrills

It sounds like a lot of money to some of us but 20 Million Dollars is peanuts to Obidias, Official Ball Sponsor for Sydney 2000.

‘We were happy to pay the 20 million (excluding kick backs) for the exposure, we believe we got a good deal’

Soccer fans this reporter spoke

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Lausanne To Sue ‘Aussie Fraudsters’

Lawyers representing the town of Lausanne are poised to claim 100 million dollars in damages against Australian fraudsters.

Lausanne is home to the IOC headquarters, the Olympic Museum (where an exhibit on the Tour De France is on show), as well as the headquarters of more than a dozen international sporting federations. Though a busy

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Lap Dancers Steal Limelight

Hugh Gerection, today sacked for allowing lap dancers into the athletes village, said he would repeat the deed if he was put in a similar situation again.

“Gizz a break Bluey” he told this reporter.

“Skirts all part of the perks in this job”

It is understood that games officials have decided to investigate the

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Freeman Apologises

Theft is Bad

Opening ceremony disappointment and gold medal hope Cathy Freeman today apologised to Australians for being affected by the stolen generation.

The apology was accepted on behalf of all Australians by King PACKY the Second.

“This is a truly symbolic gesture and proves that you are ‘one of the good ones’

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12 Year Drought Over

Cathy Freeman may have upset 31% of Australians by having the audacity to light the Olympic flame while currently being an Aboriginal but she has at least broken a 12 year drought on track Gold Medals for her country Australia.

Remarkably over 64% of Australia’s medal have been collected from messing about at the beach

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Choker Lines Up For Coveted Silver Medal

In a huge upset, rank outsider Misty Hyman from the USA has defeated unbackable favorite, Australian Susie O’Neil in the 200 Butterfly.

Known as Madame Butterfly for her dramatics O’Neil’s choke has been enthusiastically greeted by overjoyed Australians.

A source from the NSW Choker Society said O’Neil’s failure would warm the hearts of Australians and

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Coppers Not Copping It

Police at the Sydney Olympics have warned they may take industrial action over the small portions of food they receive at Games sites, it was reported today.

Two unnamed police officers were quoted complaining about the amount of food they were being served.

“It’s not on as far as our mob is concerned” said a

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Americans Demand Core Samples

Move over Skippy, here comes Flippy

In tactics recalling the Australian Defense of the Americas Cup in Perth, the American swimming team has called on the Olympic authorities to take core samples of Australian swimming sensation Flipper Thorpes’ enormous size 17 feet.

Labeled ‘Thorpedo’, Flipper was today brushing off claims that his enormous

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