Snatching Defeat From The Jaws Of Victory

Ausfailure wrestler Hassene Fkiri's brain fart costs certain medal at the Commonwealth Games on Tuesday.

Ausfailure wrestler Hassene Fkiri's brain fart costs certain medal at the Commonwealth Games on Tuesday.

It’s often said that you can always tell an Aussie, but you can’t tell him much.

This is because so many of them are stupid.

Look at Aussie Gold Medal hopeful Hassene Fkiri. Fkiri was chasing Ausfailure’s first Commonwealth Games wrestling gold in 32 years, until he lost his cool and then his medal.

What a moron you might say, but don’t forget, he’s from Ausfailure. Ausfailure has mastered the art of losing, even when victory is a near certainty, they choke.

Greg Norman was a world champion loser, and we all remember the horror choke that saw a team of semi professional weekend rugby league players become world champions at Ausfailure’s national game of rugby league when their team captain dropped the ball over the tryline ensuring his team went home as losers yet again.

In this latest choke Fkiri was disqualified midway through the 96kg Greco-Roman final against India’s Anil Kumar at the Indira Gandhi Complex in Delhi overnight.

Already one down in the best of three contest, he was trailing in the second when a referee brought the match to a premature end and awarded Kumar the gold.

The Ausfailure hopeful made an obscene gesture to the judges and South Africa’s Kakoma Hugues Bella-Lufu and Canadian Eric Feunekes were later awarded the silver and bronze respectively.

At one point Fkiri looked as though he was trying to slap his local rival during the bout and also appeared to headbutt him recalling the shame that was the Aussie being booted off the Tour De France for headbutting during a passing move.

Ausfailure wrestling team manager Kuldip Bassi said Fkiri, who was too distraught to talk to the media, had lost his temper and was devastated by the outcome.

“He should have been happy with the silver and he probably didn’t want to lose,” he said.

“He was really upset and he said he lost control, he pointed the finger towards FILA people, which is the worldwide organisation.

“I asked him, ‘Did you do it?’ and he said yes he did. So that’s the end of the story, you can’t do anything more than that.

“He shouldn’t have done that, he is a very senior wrestler … whether you win or lose I think you’ve got to accept it, you’ve got to respect everybody, it is not really sportsmanship.

Ausfailure team official Leonid Zaslavsky said Fkiri’s behavior was inexcusable.

Fkiri’s brain fart allowed the host nation to make a clean sweep of the 96kg, 74kg and 60kg titles to rapturous applause and dancing from the locals hundreds of locals in the stands.

Ausfailure also lost to India in cricket following a complete capitulation last year when they were comprehensively shat upon repeatedly by former world easy beats England.

The only good news for Ausfailure’s l;long suffering sports fans is that Ausfailure lead the Silver medal tally at these games.

“Coming second is a goal we have pursued with vigor at sport for ages and it’s great to see that when it comes to being not quite good enough second best also rans we are world champions at it.” said a spokesperson for the Greg Norman Foundation.

Next Top Muddle

Another one from the ‘Only in Ausfailure department’ as the wrong winner is announced on Ausfailure’s reality TV show ‘Next Top Model’.

Show host Sarah Murdoch wasn’t told who won so ended up announcing the loser as the winner. After the loser had made her victory speech she was them told that like most Aussies she was a loser. The loser was then made the winner.

Losing is a way of life in Ausfailure and this episode shows that they have perfected the art of losing.

NRL Keeping Match Fixing Quiet Until Games Over

New match-fixing allegations involving high-profile NRL players have been revealed by a Sydney radio station.

The reports confirm what many have suspected for years, that rugby league in Ausfailure is rigged. How long it has been going on it anyone’s guess, but they’ve been playing the game over here for 100 years.

Triple M reported today that some of the NRL’s highest paid players were allegedly involved in fixing games, as well as player managers and Australian underworld figures.

Penrith great and Triple M regular Mark Geyer said that he thought the alleged matches did look suspect after first hearing about, then reviewing them.

“It makes me have some doubt on a few of the things I am getting spoken to about,” said Geyer, who did not reveal the matches alleged to have been fixed, Fox Sports reports.

Geyer confirmed the allegations and that eight games are under suspicion on his Twitter account posting: “Ok the rumour this morning was about an elaborate match fixing scam that involves up to 8 games this season involving very high profile ppl”

According to fellow Triple M panellist Stuart MacGill, if the allegations were true the NRL wouldn’t act until the season ends.

“If there is an issue here, we’ve been told that the NRL won’t act on this until after the finals series so that they don’t detract from the great football that we’re all anticipating over the coming weeks,” the former test cricketer said.

Fox Sports reports that NRL communications officer John Brady contacted Triple M to deny the report.

The allegations follow a police investigation into unusual betting trends in the round-24 match between the Cowboys and Bulldogs, when there was a sharp increase in bets on a penalty as the opening scoring play.

Earlier this month three Pakistan cricketers, Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir, were suspended over spot-fixing allegations.

[ SOURCE ]

Scientists Discover Penis Growth Hormone Working For Aussies

Un-named Aussie Sports Team Captain

Scientists think they may have discovered the reason why so many Aussies seem to be dickheads and the cause seems to be too much exposure to tributyltin (TBT).

TBT is a common ingrediant in anti-fouling and Aussies are known to wear it on their nether regions to avoid crapping themselves watching their sports lose again and again and again in the post cheating era.

Overuse in recent times is not surprising, especially for cricket fans, and even worse for Ausfailure’s rugby league fans who have been forced to endure several years of acknowledging New Zealand as world champions at the game.

[ Source Is Here ]

Female marine snails living off Perth beaches have developed male sex organs on their foreheads as a result of exposure to the banned toxin tributyltin, a Curtin University study has found.

The study found alarming rates of the abnormality known as imposex in the molluscs.

In waters off Cockburn Sound, Fremantle, Garden Island and Hillarys the number of females affected by the hormone disrupting disorder ranged from 50 per cent at North Mole to 100 per cent at Colpoys Point off Garden Island.

At Cottesloe the numbers were 35 per cent and Hillarys 82 per cent.

Associate professor Monique Gagnon from Curtin University said the snails had almost disappeared from Fremantle waters due to the high rates of TBT pollution and the impact it was having on snail reproduction.

She said that unlike common garden snails, which could exhibit both sexes in the one individual, the marine snail species studied in the survey had distinct sexes.

The survey was conducted in 2009 and a follow-up study is scheduled for early next year. Associate professor Gagnon said the next study could be expected to show any contamination resulting from the disturbance of the sediments from this year’s dredging of Fremantle Harbour.

“Studies have shown that imposex might stop the affected females from procreating, potentially reducing the numbers of snails in the shoreline environment. Because this species is a predatory snail, a reduced population of these animals can translate into an altered biodiversity in the rocky shorelines,” associate professor Gagnon said.

TBT has been banned in Australia since 2008 but some commercial vessels still dock at Fremantle Port carrying the toxin in the antifouling that protects their hulls from marine growth.

Even tiny, almost undetectable, amounts of TBT can cause female snails to grow male sex organs.

“TBT’s ability to persist in sediment suggests that the legacy of environmental degradation left by its use may continue to affect marine ecosystems around Perth into the future,” Associate Professor Gagnon said.

Aussie sheilas are enthusiastic about the news.

“Anything that enhances the penis of an Aussie bloke has to be good news for us long suffering girls’ said one sex starved wife of a rugby league fan.

Sheilas Homo Rant Follows Mel’s Jew and ‘Nigger’ Remarks

Insert Here

Aussies are fed up with being losers and that’s completely understandable in the post cheating era where winning isn’t as easy as it used to be for the under performers from down under. Unfortunately they’ve been having their arses dished up on a plate for so long that even a crappy win over a thrid rate rugger team from South Africa causes Ockers to go off like Mel Gibson being given a speeding ticket by a jewish ex wife.

Aussie born and bred superracist Mel Gibson might be the richest ocker to rant and rave about minorities that give him the sh!ts but he sure as hell aint the only one.

Stephanie Rice managed to offend the world recently when the Losseroos Rugby Team snuk up and won a game of rugby.

“Suck on that faggots” the twit informed the public via her Twitter page.

Her twit showed what a twat she was as human rights groups were forced to once more groan about some Ocker boofhead offending decent people.

Rice tried to bail out of her cock up by deleting the offensive hate post and apologising but failed to rescue her endorsement deal with Jaguar who promptly repossessed the car they gave her.

Hates groups have come to Rice’s aid and have called on her to make public appearances with Mel Gibson.

“Mel can carry on attacking the Jews and niggers and Rice can serve it up to the homos” said an Aussie supporter of the Klu Klux Khan..

Aussie Sheilas Beat France

Sheila's Rugby A Great Spectator Sport

Ausfailure’s sports fans finally had something to cheer about this century when their sheila rugby team overcame the odds and won a game in the World Championship Finals.

The Aussie girls beat France to finish third overall.

The World Title was won by New Zealand again.

Ausfailure’s prime minister Jules Gillard congratulated the Aussie chicks for doing their best even though it wasn’t good enough to win the title but at least they beat South Africa.

“I wish I had been there to see them lick the Bok” she said.

The final was held between New Zealand and England.

In men’s rugby the New Zealand team recently completed a record 9 straight wins over Ausfailure in test matches highlighting how crap Ausfailure is at rugby.

England recently beat Ausfailure at all 3 disciplines of cricket proving that Ausfailure is crap at everything else.

In Soccer 20th ranked Ausfailure recently managed a draw against 112th ranked world minnows Switzerland.

Aus Bends Over For Pakistanis

Bluey Crackersport at Headingly Watching Ausfailure Lose, Again

1995.

So long ago. That was the last time Ausfailure were sh!thouse enough for the world’s worst cricket team, Pakistan, to cream them

But overnight at Headingly in Leeds Ausfailure relented and after a humiliating 1st innings of just a meagre 88 they served their arses up to Pakistan.

“Yum yum, white Aussie arse, my favorite kind” said unemployed Sultan Palik Sumbalik from Karachi

The defeat underlines just how crap Ausfailure are at everything these days.

Ausfailure recently lost the world championship for rugby league to New Zealand, a small sparsely populated group of islands somewhere in the Pacific and their largest state, New South Wales, recently suffered the indignity of 5 straight series losses to their opponents.

Ausfailure’s cricket team is just days away from trying to win back the Ashes from England.

England are pretty crap at Cricket, but the last 3 times they played a series against Ausfailure they thrashed them.

Ausfailure cricket fans were not surprised at the latest humiliating loss.

“We always said we are the team to beat and everyone is beating us” said Dean O’Papa from Broken Back Hill, NSW

“Losing is a way of life for us” he said

Former prime minister Kelvin Rudd agreed.

Money Changes Hands As Fighter Performs 10/10 Backflip On Dive

10 out of 10 for this dive

10 out of 10 for this dive?

Was it a fit up? The bookies say it was…

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/national/danny-green-paul-briggs-fight-was-fixed-claim-bookies/story-e6frf7l6-1225895871887

The blokes counting the money says it wasn’t.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/danny-green-backflip-on-paul-briggs-fight-farce/story-e6frf9if-1225895740070

DANNY Green has performed the ultimate backflip, claiming Paul Briggs didn’t take a dive and was legitimately hurt by his glancing punch in last night’s controversial IBO cruiserweight title bout in Perth.

Green was left fuming last night when Briggs was counted out after copping a punch that merely grazed the top of his head, ending the bout just 29 seconds into the first round.

But today Green said he had changed his tune after viewing slow-motion vision of the punch.

The West Australian now believes nothing untoward occurred.

“I caught Briggs on the soft part on the skull on top of the head,” Green told a packed media conference.

The soft headed Briggs represents Queensland.

After the fight, Green threatened not to pay Briggs a cent, accusing the Queenslander of dogging it.

But Green confirmed this afternoon that Briggs would be paid in full, an amount believed to be in the vicinity of $250,000.

All Out For 88

Ausfailure’s woes  continue to worry the loser nation as their once unbeatable cricket team takes it fair and square up the clacker by going all out for 88 from cricket minnows Pakistan.

Ausfailure faces England in the Ashes series in 126 days and are on track for yet another dicking.

Prime Minister Jules Gillard was reported to be dissapointed by the news of Ausfailure’s latest collapse.

“Gee sus fugg me bandy” she is reported to have muttered, “what a fuggen sh!thouse pack of w@nkers we are in this dump of a country”, she concluded before getting her eyebrows done.

Aussie Teens Steal 6 Grand On School Trip

Aussie School Kids On Shopping Spree

Aussie School Kids On Shopping Spree

A group of teenagers from Ausfailure on a school trip to New Zealand stole $6000 of merchandise during a four-hour shoplifting spree in Queenstown at the weekend.

[Original Story]

The group of 16 boys, aged between 14 and 16, narrowly avoided arrest and prosecution for youth offending, police said yesterday.

Constable Dave Felstead, of Queenstown, said the group, from a school in Victoria, stole clothes and souvenirs from central business district stores, including Outside Sports and R&R Sport, between 2pm and 6pm on Saturday.

However, police did not find out until yesterday because teachers decided to take matters into their hands and return the property when they discovered that no sports trophies were in the booty.

The goods were returned but it would have been easier if teachers had told police as soon as they knew, Mr Felstead said.

Police were unaware a series of town centre shoplifting reports were linked until an officer met a teacher who was returning some stolen goods, he said.

“G’day cobber, we are just returning the stuff our mob stole today” the teacher said.

There have been previous incidents of young Australians shoplifting in Queenstown and all 16 youths were given warnings.

Passport numbers were recorded in case any of them get into trouble on future trips here.

The school intended to deal with the group “severely”, and businesses would receive letters of apology, Mr Felstead said.

The spree probably started with one or two youths shoplifting, before others joined in, he said.

Their stupidity was frustrating because it wasted police time but by the time teachers and police caught up with the teens “they were a very sad and sombre bunch”.

The disgraced group flew back to Australia yesterday.

In 2006, two girls from an exclusive Australian private school were caught shoplifting in Queenstown and dissolved in tears when the possibility of charges was raised.

The girls, part of a 36-strong group from Ipswich Girls’ Grammar in Queensland, stole expensive clothes and cosmetics from at least five retailers.

Ausfailure has a culture of stealing, dishonesty and corruption due to it’s history as a penile colony according to the world’s leading expert on Aussie corruption Oswald P Wrong.

“You see stories like this in the paper everyday and it’s because the cultuire of Ausfailure is to cheat, steal and generally be a mongrol” Wrong said.

World renown auditors Deloitte confirmed this when it released it’s report on widespread cheating and corruption in just one of the rugby league teams that have brought shame and disgrace on Ausfailure this week.

Ocker Expelled From Tour For Head Butting Kiwi Opponent

Renshaw - On His Bike

Renshaw - On His Bike

Ocker boofheads are everywhere in sport. When you can’t win it fair, the Aussie cheats.

Well, that turned to custard for Aussie boofhead Mark Renshaw on the Tour De France.

Renshaw was expelled from the Tour after helping Mark Cavendish, his teammate, win Stage 11 yesterday.

Renshaw, the lead-out man for Cavendish on the HTC Columbia team, three times head-butted Julian Dean of New Zealand – the lead-out man for Tyler Farrar on Garmin-Transitions – in an apparent bid to push him out of the way during the sprint finish.

“This is cycling, it’s not wrestling,” Jean-Francois Pescheux, the course director, said before adding that removing Renshaw was “severe” punishment, but that his violation was “flagrant”.

“There are rules to respect.”

“Rules, Scmools” said Ausfailure’s prime minister Jules Gillard during a tanning session.

“Winning is all that counts for us in Ausfailure and we don’t care if we have to cheat to win, as long as at the end of the day we win something” Gillard said.

Renshaw’s early exit follows Ausfailure’s bully boy Socker thugs throwing their pool games away by resorting to biff and showing no respect for the rules and Melbourne Storm players having their grand final wins removed from the record books due to salary cap rorts committed over the past 5 years.

Cheating, dishonesty and corruption are part of the culture for Ausfailure and many argue that Aussie sports stars should be allowed to cheat to win.

“We are simply not good enough to win anything fair and square and that sucks big time” said a rugby league player well over the cap.

“Winning is vital to us as we have a serious inferiority complex and we need to pretend we are better than the rest even if we aren’t. How can we do that unless we cheat?” he said in a side deal.

The world’s leading expert on Ausfailure’s loser mentality Oswald P Wrong of Bummee NSW said there was some merit in the argument that Aussie’s should be allowed to cheat.

“The New Zealand rugby union team always do a haka because that is a cultural thing for them, so you could put forward the argument that as cheating is a cultural thing for Aussie’s they should be allowed to do it” Wrong said.

“The problem is that losing is also a cultural thing for Aussies too so you’d have to let them cheat, but then you would have to remove the victory and show them to be losers, much like the NR-Hell did with the Storm cheats” Wrong professed.

In other news the owners of Melbourne Storm held a news conference to reveal the amount of cheating that was used to win at games of rugby league.

The cheating had been going on for 5 years.

Players tangled up in the cheating include many Queensland representatives.

Queensland coincidentally proved to be unbeatable in representative matches over the same period.

World’s Worst Service : Official

What The Fugg Do You Fuggen Want?

Only In Ausfailure

Many people visiting the third world often complain of the bad service they get and now a list has been compiled of the world’s worst culprits.

As expected Ausfailure is the worst offender.

It’s the sales assistant who doesn’t end her personal phone call when you walk into the store. Or the waiter who rolls his eyes when you ask too many questions about a dish.

Everyone has experienced poor customer service but a survey suggests Ausfailure has a tougher time of it than other countries.

Of the 12 countries surveyed, Ausfailure ranked equal last with Britain on measures of service satisfaction, behind the US, France, Canada and India.

Yes. That’s what I said.

India.

In the Netherlands, 44 per cent of people felt companies were not doing anything extra to keep their business or were taking their business for granted. In Australia, that number was 81 per cent.

”The barometer clearly said customers want superior service and it’s certainly not being provided,” said Christine Wakefield, vice-president of American Express World Service Ausfailure, which commissioned the survey.

People spoken to by this reporter had some right fekkin horror stories to tell.

“I refuse to go back there” said Neville Again of Grubb Creek, Malawi after a waiter picked his nose whilst serving him and his wife in one of Sydney’s ritziest restaurants.

“We waited 45 minutes for service in a dairy and when the owner finally came out from the back he was in his underpants and kept farting and scratching his nuts” said a couple from Toronto, Canada.

Oswald P Wrong, he eminent lecturer in media-ockeracy from Bummee, NSW said the survey told us what we already knew.

“No one will be surprised to learn the results of this scientific experiment. Ausfailure is the worst in the world at many things so you would hardly expect anything less from this dump” Wrong declared.

“You only have to look at say, the Melbourne Storm scandal to realise that the important things in this place are cheating, dishonesty and corruption. Making a dollar is more important than who you have to trample over to make it” Wrong said.

All but four of the Melbourne Storm players agreed.

In other news New Zealand’s All White football team soared in the rankings following their heroic performance at the FIFA World Cup. Ausfailure did not.

“We wuzz robbed. Again” cried a red carded thug from the Sockerlose.

Evans Sh!ts Tour De France Bed

Aussie Cadel Evans Finishes Stage 8 A Loser

Aussie Cadel Evans Finishes Stage 9 A Loser

After just one day at the front of the field Ausfailure’s great white hope for sporting glory predictably crapped out of the Tour De France overnight as dreams of victory remain just that – dreams.

Cadel Evans’ hopes of becoming Australia’s first Tour de France champion have taken a huge blow after a nightmare ride on the ninth stage.

Evans broke down in tears in a team-mates’ arms after he crossed the line, distraught at seeing his 2010 Tour ambitions all but disappear.

Crying about losing is normal for Aussies as they actually rate themselves a chance. When they find out they are not up to it they just can’t hack it and blubber it up for all to see.

BMC rider Evans had taken the race lead at the end of Sunday’s eighth stage, when he finished 10secs behind stage winner Andy Schleck to take a 20sec overall lead on the Luxemburger.

However a day after the race’s first rest day, Evans was dropped halfway through the 25.5km Col de la Madeleine climb as the Astana team of reigning champion Alberto Contador set a punishing pace.

As Schleck and Contador went on to duel to the summit, crossing over with a 2min 10sec deficit to a group of leaders, Evans battled up the rest of the climb to crest the summit 9:38 behind the frontrunners.

At the end of the 32km descent towards the finish line, Evans, the runner-up in both 2007 and 2008, finished over eight minutes behind stage winner Sandy Casar with Schleck inheriting the yellow jersey.

How sh!thouse is that?

Australasian Makes World’s Best

A player from New Zealand, a small sparsely populated group of islands somewhere in the Pacific, has made the top 11 players of the 2010 World Cup.

Ausfailure immediately claimed him as one of their own due to the fact that no one from Ausfailure was good enough to make the grade.

New Zealand was the only team to go through the entire 2010 World Cup tournament undefeated.

All Whites skipper Ryan Nelsen has been named in a football “World Cup Best XI” picked by American sports television channel ESPN.

Nelsen earned his place by “defending defiantly throughout the tournament and heroically against Italy”, it said.

Last month, international football website goal.com named Nelsen its world player of the week for “inspiring his side to two draws (against Slovakia and defending champions Italy) and giving the All Whites a shot at last 16 qualification”.

ESPN’s Best 11 were: goalkeeper – Eduardo (Portugal), rightback – Philipp Lahm (Germany), centrebacks – Carles Puyol (Spain), Ryan Nelsen (New Zealand), leftback – Carlos Salcido (Mexico), midfield – Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany), Xavi (Spain), rightwing – Thomas Muller (Germany), attacking midfielder – Wesley Sneijder (Netherlands), leftwing – David Villa (Spain), striker – Diego Forlan (Uruguay).

Substitutes: Justo Villar (Paraguay), Maxi Pereira (Uruguay), Lucio (Brazil), John Mensah (Ghana), Fabio Coentrao (Portugal), Mark van Bommel (Holland), Xabi Alonso (Spain), Arjen Robben (Netherlands), Mesut Ozil (Germany), Robinho (Brazil), Miroslav Klose (Germany).

Manager: Joachim Low (Germany).

Ausfailure Makes World Cup Rankings

Ausfailure Nil

While the Sockerlose crashed and burned as predicted by this website at the FIFA World Cup at least all is not lost.

Harry Kewell has come out near the top of top website guardian.co.uk player ratings.

Little old New Zealand did pretty well too.

All Whites Ryan Nelsen and Mark Paston are in the top 10 list of “best performances” according to a football World Cup survey being run by the UK-based website.

Guardian.co.uk has been polling readers since the World Cup began last month and as of this morning the performance of Nelsen – the All Whites’ skipper – against Italy has been rated the third-best.

Nelsen, who also captains Blackburn Rovers in the English Premier League, also fills fifth place on the list for his efforts against Paraguay while Paston, the All Whites goalie, fills the seventh and 10th positions for performances against Paraguay and Italy respectively.

Ausfailure’s Harry Kewell gets second spot on the worst list for his effort against Ghana.

The 10 worst player performances at the World Cup
Match
Team
Player
Rating
England v Algeria 2010-06-18 19:30 England Wayne Rooney 2.45
Ghana v Australia 2010-06-19 15:00 Australia Harry Kewell 2.5
Germany v England 2010-06-27 15:00 England Emile Heskey 2.57
Germany v England 2010-06-27 15:00 England Wayne Rooney 2.76
France v Mexico 2010-06-17 19:30 France Sidney Govou 2.77
Germany v England 2010-06-27 15:00 England John Terry 2.89
France v Mexico 2010-06-17 19:30 France Andre-Pierre Gignac 2.89
France v South Africa 2010-06-22 15:00 France Sidney Govou 2.9
France v Mexico 2010-06-17 19:30 France Nicolas Anelka 2.92
England v Algeria 2010-06-18 19:30 England Frank Lampard 2.99

The 10 best player performances at the World Cup
Match
Team
Player
Rating
Denmark v Japan 2010-06-24 19:30 Japan Keisuke Honda 9.08
South Africa v Uruguay 2010-06-16 19:30 Uruguay Diego Forlan 8.96
Italy v New Zealand 2010-06-20 15:00 New Zealand Ryan Nelsen 8.95
Germany v Australia 2010-06-13 19:30 Germany Mesut Ozil 8.83
Paraguay v New Zealand 2010-06-24 15:00 New Zealand Ryan Nelsen 8.8
Argentina v Nigeria 2010-06-12 15:00 Nigeria Vincent Enyeama 8.72
Paraguay v New Zealand 2010-06-24 15:00 New Zealand Mark Paston 8.67
Argentina v Mexico 2010-06-27 19:30 Argentina Carlos Tevez 8.62
Spain v Portugal 2010-06-29 19:30 Spain David Villa 8.57
Italy v New Zealand 2010-06-20 15:00 New Zealand Mark Paston 8.55
Germany v Australia 2010-06-13 19:30 Germany Thomas Muller 8.54

Watch and Download Full Movie Roman J. Israel, Esq. (2017)

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Running Scared

Ausfailure Nil

Unlike serious sports websites like www.ausfailure.com which offer expert analysis of Ausfailure’s sporting bed-sh!ts it’s just fuggen wrong to see other websites making fun of the craparse form of the former penile colony.

Ausfailure’s dire sh!theap sports teams are a serious problem and it’s not
a good look to see people poking fun at the loser nation as a result.

http://www.independent.co.uk/

England look irresistible with Ponting’s men running scared

By Stephen Brenkley, Cricket Correspondent

Saturday, 26 June 2010

Australia will recognise the species if not the position. There are
millions of gum trees around their country and right now they are up
one.

They have arrived in this uncomfortable location partly because of
their own inadequacies so far, partly because they have a depleted
team, partly because of misguided selection and partly, perhaps
mostly, because England have shoved them there.

It was always possible that England would push Australia hard this
summer but nobody would have expected two such emphatic victories in
three days. England have won both matches by four wickets, the first,
upholstered with one of the most glorious of one-day hundreds by Eoin
Morgan, with 24 balls to spare, the second with 28 left.

These are hammerings in limited-overs cricket and, although they may
be, in some respects, just more one-day matches in another series,
they are also being played less than a year before the World Cup. And
there are already dark mutterings that, if this is the best the
Aussies have to offer, what really is the point of the Ashes?

It would be characteristic of the Australians’ spirit for them now to
come back and win the NatWest Series 3-2, starting tomorrow in
Manchester. But they have shown scant sign so far of being equipped to
do so in any department and, if the bowling has been especially
insipid, the batting has lacked its usual assertion.

England, by contrast, have looked like a team who know what they are
doing, which has not been a familiar state of affairs for around 20
years. They have had their moments in that time but these have tended
to slip away quickly, wills o’ the wisp. Now it is different, as Paul
Collingwood averred yesterday.

Collingwood is now not only England’s most capped one-day cricketer
but also their leading runs scorer in this form of the game. Nobody
anywhere could or would have predicted those two milestones for the
boy from Shotley Bridge when he started out nine years ago.

But at Sophia Gardens on Thursday night, in his 179th match, nine more
than Alec Stewart, Collingwood, when he scored his 33rd run in his
innings of 48, also overhauled Stewart’s one-day runs record and now
has a total of 4,693.

“It was a huge surprise to me when they announced it and I think there
were quite a few Australians out there who were even more surprised
than me,” said Collingwood. “It put a smile on my face. I think
milestones and records are things you look back on at the end of your
career, but to know you have scored more runs in one-day cricket than
any other Englishman is a lovely feeling.

“It’s not only the amount of runs but it means you’ve played a lot of
games for England. Alec Stewart was a great player and sometimes you
have to pinch yourself to believe that you’re playing for England, let
alone overtaking someone like him. It’s all a bit surreal at times. I
was thinking ‘surely not me?’ I knew I had overtaken Stewie’s number
of appearances but his runs? Are you kidding me?”

Collingwood has been around long enough to have seen plenty of false
dawns and that is why, even now, with the calibre of robust cricket
England are playing so regularly, it is important to be cautious. It
seems too much to conclude that this really could be their time. But
as Collingwood said: “This is the most exciting one-day side I’ve
played in, without a doubt. In the past we’ve gelled at certain times
but never maintained that consistently and I’ve never thought that
we’d be a great one-day side for a prolonged period. But now this team
is covering all the bases and the most exciting thing is that I
believe we can get better and better.”

England will be delighted their captain, Andrew Strauss, made a
pugnacious half-century at Cardiff, but Australia will begin to be
concerned soon that their captain, Ricky Ponting, looks to be a shade
off the pace.

The Australians’ bowling has looked short of ideas and nous so far –
they need their injured stars, such as Mitchell Johnson and Brett Lee,
back. To their woes has been added the fact that the off-spinner
Nathan Hauritz has flown home with a foot injury and been replaced by
speed merchant Shaun Tait. England have been smarter. Much smarter.

Anyone For Tennis?

Love All For Ausfailure

Lleyton Hewitt’s defeat in the Mens Singles at Wimbledon ends Ausfailure’s dire participation in both Singles events as Jarmila Groth had earlier lost in straight sets in the Women’s event. At least they both lasted longer than 6th seed Sam Stosur who crashed out on the first day of the tournament last week against a qualifier from Estonia who nobody had ever even heard of.

Hewitt succumbed 7-5, 6-4, 3-6, 6-4 to the world number three, ending Australia’s participation in the singles for another year after Jarmila Groth earlier fell 6-4, 7-6 (7-5) to five-times women’s champion Venus Williams in her fourth-round match.

With a recent victory over Roger Federer among eight straight grass court wins, Hewitt had high hopes of making a serious tilt at a second title at the All England Club.

But not even another meltdown from Djokovic – who has retired mid-match with injury or illness no less than seven times during his career – could save Hewitt as the 2002 champion floundered amid a raft of unforced errors.

Untroubled on serve in taking the first two sets in little more than 90 minutes, Djokovic called for the tournament doctor when leading 2-1 in the third set.

He complained of feeling sick and was treated courtside with antacid before immediately dropping serve for the first time in the match.

Djokovic dropped serve twice upon the resumption of play to seemingly hand Hewitt a lifeline to the quarter-finals.

And still he beat the blunder from down under.

Earlier, Venus Williams was able to deny Groth her maiden grand slam quarter-final berth.

Groth was ultimately left to rue what might have been after twice failing to serving out the second set.

Despite narrowly failing to become Ausfailure’s first women’s quarter-finalist at the All England Club since ring-in Jelena Dokic a decade ago, Groth was happy with failure.

“I made fourth round of both grand slams, so I should be happy, right?” she said.

Groth is, like most of Ausfailure’s sports performers, a ring-in from another country, underlining Ausfailure’s ability to drag others down to their own level of crapocity.

The Slovakian-born 23-year-old was granted Australian citizenship last November.

It’s pretty much been down hill from there.

Famine Declared

Ausfailure - Desperate for any help

Rugby League, Rugby Union, Cricket, Soccer, Fly Fishing, Formula 1, and now Tennis. There is breaking news for Ausfailure – and it’s all bad, bad bad.

With their nation currently undergoing major upheaval following the removal of their prime minister by the mining companies and coming to terms with yet another prime minister without an testicles, Ausfailure’s people are in crisis.

On top of this is the serious famine in sports victories.

It began when New Zealand, a small sparsely populated group of islands somewhere in the pacific, kicked their arse at rugby league taking the rugby league world championship title in convincing fashion.

The deck of cards fell, one by one and this week saw the Sockerlose demonstrate the fine art of failing by winning at the Wrong time and the Cheateroos cricket team completed a 3 nil round of failures by handing the Ashes, the T20 and the current ODI series to England.

Yes, that’s what I said.

England!

Aussie sports junkies, desperate for any kind of fix, looked to Wimbledon.

In the sheilas singles Jarmil Groth was the great hope, but in typical Ausfailure fashion crapped out.

All eyes turned to Leyton Hewitt, the boy wonder from down under, who has yet to win an Ausfailure Open. he sh!t the bed overnight and can include Wimbledon 2010 on his long list of failures.

Ausfailure is doing so bad at sport that a Facebook Group has been set up to support those struggling to cope with the devastating news delivered daily by sports websites such as http://www.ausfailure.com where each and every loss is dissected and analyzed by experts.

Supreme web writer Oswald P Wrong said the task of recording Ausfailure’s failures was ‘daunting, there’s just so many of them lately’.

‘I’m looking forward to them being allowed to cheat again, if only to reduce my workload’ said Wrong.

Julia Gillard’s new government is said to be looking at ways to give Ausfailure’s sports fans something to be happy about soon with plans to legislate losing teams out of existence, ‘…if they don’t self destruct first, like the cricket and league boys have’ said a source from the prime ministers circle of shiela friends at a recent group waxing session.

More Misery For Aussie Couch Potatos

Aussie Coach Potato Dean is beside himself with grief over cricket loses

During the match fixing era it was pretty common for current world champion whingers Ausfailure to return a win divvy. However for whatever reason it’s now almost impossible to find anything that you would be prepared to back Ausfailure winning, other than a crying in your beer contest.

With tiny pacific nation New Zealand romping in with an emphatic win in the rugby league world cup stripping the former rugby league super power of not only it’s last trophy but also claiming the scalp of yet another national coach following Wayne Bennett’s failed Tri Nations campaign as Ricky Stuart vented and railed the nation’s outrage at the match referee the next day over breakfast, the world has become used to Ausfailure losing and whinging.

Their recent failures at the FIFA World Cup saw them fulfil the pin sharp predictions of top sports website ausfailure.com which foretold of humiliation and disgrace for Ausfailure on the world’s biggest stage.

Hot Head’s Harry Kewell and Tim Cahill affirmed what utter liability’s they are with their ill disciplined rule breaking performances as the Sockerlose crashed and burned and made prongs of the country in South Africa. Even tiny island nation New Zealand out performed Ausfailure, again. The only good thing that we can say about the Aussie campaign is thank God it’s over.

But wait, there’s more.

The cricket.

Once unbeatable Ausfailure is now the easy beat.

New Zealand, Malawi, Tonga and even England are lining up and kicking Ausfailure’s fat and blistered arse.

Yes, that what I said, England.

As we speak, and Aussie cry and whinge, England is on the precipice to become Cricket’s new powerhouse.

Aussies we spoke to are beside themselves with grief.

“I’m beside myself with grief” said Dean O’Papa, a fan from Pullatooth Queensland.

Websites and blogs are piddling themselves at the prospect of Ausfailure losing the Ashes, the T20 and now the ODI world titles to England.

This article [Source and Full Story] sums up the online mood of those laughing at Ausfailure’s sh!thouse efforts.

— England is now one win away from sealing the series. Moreover, if they win the series, they will for the first time established their dominance over Australia in all three forms of cricket. They first defeated Aussies in Ashes, then they won the T20 championship and now they are close to winning ODI series. Commenting on their victory, English skipper Andrew Strauss said, “Australia have had a very good 12 months or so, and they played well against us last summer, but ultimately that was last summer. Times have moved on, and I’m happy with where we are as a side at the moment.” —

Typically polite as only the English could be.

Well, sometimes…

[Source and Full Story]

— What is incontestable is that England’s winning run goes on. That is 10 wins in all competitions, going back to the start of the World Twenty20, and seven successive wins in 50-overs cricket, their best run for 13 years. —

Aussie’s are gutted by the truth and new prime minister Jules Gillard is considering new laws to prohibit the amount of runs opponents can score against Ausfailure in future matches.

“We will do whatever is required to give out lads the much needed help they require in order to be competitive again” said the PM’s office.

The office has already approved a return to underarm bowling in close matches, but given the current form of the Crookeroos it could be years before they are in a position to capitalise on that.