Mastering The Art of Losing When It Counts

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Choke, Choke, Choke

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Choke, Choke, Choke

Poor Ausfailure. They just can’t seem to learn that the key to winning is winning when it counts.

Take their latest humiliating defeat in rugby league at the hands once more of the world champion New Zealand Kiwis in the Four Nations Final which saw New Zealand hammer Ausfailure yet again.

Last week in front of a home crowd at ruggeroid central it was a different story. New Zealand’s brilliant performances had seen them already be the first team to qualify for the final and as we all know with New Zealand in the final it’s time to send the trophy to the engravers. The usual crowd of rugby union fans took their usual places at Eden Park and behaved like the ruggeroid drongoes they are getting drunk and being dickheads. The Kiwi team took the opportunity to have a bit of a warm up, practice a few combinations and get a feel for the game against this sh!thouse pack of losers from the former penile colony.

At the end of the game the green and yellow players were jumping for joy and shedding tears of pride thinking that winning a dead rubber of a game actually counted for something.

Aussie’s long suffering sports fans also suffered from premature ejaculation as they welcomed their pathetic losers back for the final in Suncorp Stadium, home of the World Championship Final that Ausfailure also lost 2 years ago to the mighty Kiwi winning machine.

As it turned out the Kiwis turned up and despite some shocking hometown refereeing from one of the Kangalose team referees they once again served up the lesson about winning when it counts to the green and yellow under achievers from down under.

Aussie sports fans are getting tired of this long string of flukey one off big game wins by the couragous Kiwi sporting heros.

Winnie Gonwindi, a rugby league fan from Bummee NSW summed it up best.  ‘The first fluke was them winning that Leeds Tri Nations final in 2006 and then they followed that up with the fluke Rugby League World Cup title win in 2008 and here we are again in 2010 and they have followed it up with another one off Four Nations win. They might not be much good at rugby league, but they sure are lucky when it comes to the big finals” he whinged.

Socialist Ausfailure’s Prime Minister and best known ginga chick Jules Gilliard joined the rest of the country as she sobbed at yet another humiliating defeat on the international stage. “It’s one thing for our national carrier to have planes falling out of the sky because our people are too fat and lazy to fix them, but to watch our green and yellow sports stars put on such a sh!tty performance in another big final just makes you want to get drunk and hammer the cook” she bawled.

She promised to launch an investagation into why Ausfailure hasn’t won anything worthwhile in nearly 25 years.

“We will leave no stone unturned and will offer an amnesty to our former winners if they can tell us how they cheated and got away with it in the past’ she pledged.

Meanwhile Greg The Muss Inglis has signed with South Sydney after turning his back on an offer to play with last seasons massive under achievers the Brisbane Broncoes. Key Broncoes losers were also in last nights humiliating defeat to New Zealand. Inglis and his salary cap rort with Melbourne Storm was the international sports joke of the last 12 months. Inglis said he knew nothing about his illegal salary, and also said he would join the Broncoes before going back on his word and also said he never assaulted his fiance before pleading guilty.

And Canberra’s Joel Monaghan, famous for his penalty try for cheating in the World Cup final, has left the Canberra club after news of his sex act with a mate’s dog hit the papers. Monaghan has apologised to his former team mates and says he will miss them deeply as he runs away to England to escape the shame and humiliation he has suffered since his doggie pics surfaced. “Those Canberra guys have been a man’s best friend and I’ll miss them a lot’ he said. Monaghan will join up with his new club once he has completed quarantine.

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