Ausfailure Unleashed

A Man's Best Friend, in Ausfailure

This website has often said Ausfailure is going to the dogs and has highlighted the trip. We will continue to do so as this is our service to humanity, of which Ausfailure is welcome to join any time. It looks a long way off though after events this week showed just what a pack of slobbering primates the Aussie race is.

The high point of Ausfailure culture is rugby league. This is a game where men play a bit of footy and then have group sex afterward. The group sex sometimes involves a woman, sometimes she even consents, but the main goal is for the blokes to have sex with each other and pretend they ain’t poofters.

There have been thousands of incidents recently that have shocked some people about just how low down the evolutionary ladder the Aussie male is. When the Bulldogs went up to Coff’s Harbour and had a gang bang in a motel room they had such a good time with it they went back the next year and did it again.

Matthew Johns was the subject of an Aussie documentary about how much dipping your wick into the spent semen of your team mates is an essential part of Ausfailure culture.

The Brisbane Broncoes recently celebrated beating gang rape charges when 3 of their players gang banged a sheila in a pub sh!thouse. The 3 said the lass was willing, she said she wasn’t. 3 against 1 sorry doll. Next time you need to take a dump, take a few witnesses.

But just grabbing some random passerby and ripping her clothes off and all piling on top of her isn’t the only disgusting habit of Aussie rugby league players.

Current Ausfailure stand off Todd Carney took the opportunity to show what a grub he was when he took a dump in the corridor of a luxury hotel. This was after allegedly urinating on a man in a Canberra nightclub in July 2008. That was after his police car chase whilst drunk, and already disqualified.  Carney received rugby league’s highest honor last year from his Ausfailure counterparts.

Julian O’Niell’s favorite party trick is to take a crap in a team mates shoe, then chunder on the walls of his hotel room.

When the news of these proud moments in Ausfailure sport surface the players all apologise and tell how sorry they are that news of their mongrolicity is now public.

No one believes them, but it’s nice to know they would rather we thought they weren’t the huge heaps of sh!t that they really are.

The fact is that Ausfailure’s rugby league hero’s are not much more than pigs who have been partially trained to perform in public. Unfortunately that training only includes the ability to walk on two legs, it kind of stops there.

And so it brings us to the latest episode in ‘How Low Can Ausfailure Go?’

Well, how about the news this week of Aussie test center Joel Monaghan admitting that photos circulated widely of him and a dog engaging in a sex act were genuine.

That’s right, an Ausfailure representative rugby league player and a dog getting down and dirty.

In Monaghan’s defense, the sex was consensual. The photos clearly show the dog was gagging for it.

Ausfailure’s rugby league fans have been asked to support an awful lot over the last few decades. Wife beaters seem to have a free run in Aussie league circles, drug addiction seems to be near compulsory, alcohol abuse seems to be a pre-requisite. Group sex is an every day ockerance.

As we sit stunned and wonder just how a group of Aussie lads can all stand around and take photographs of one of them having sex with a dog the next question has to be ‘What disgusting low act of sub human behavior do Aussie rugby league meatheads have planned for the off season?’

It’s obviously going to contain a million gallons of alcohol, some drugs, sh!t, semen, animals, a cell phone, an embarrassed David Gallop and that essential element in all of this, an Aussie rugby league player or 20.

One thing is for sure, if an Aussie offers to walk your dog this summer, just say no.

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