World’s Worst Service : Official

What The Fugg Do You Fuggen Want?

Only In Ausfailure

Many people visiting the third world often complain of the bad service they get and now a list has been compiled of the world’s worst culprits.

As expected Ausfailure is the worst offender.

It’s the sales assistant who doesn’t end her personal phone call when you walk into the store. Or the waiter who rolls his eyes when you ask too many questions about a dish.

Everyone has experienced poor customer service but a survey suggests Ausfailure has a tougher time of it than other countries.

Of the 12 countries surveyed, Ausfailure ranked equal last with Britain on measures of service satisfaction, behind the US, France, Canada and India.

Yes. That’s what I said.


In the Netherlands, 44 per cent of people felt companies were not doing anything extra to keep their business or were taking their business for granted. In Australia, that number was 81 per cent.

”The barometer clearly said customers want superior service and it’s certainly not being provided,” said Christine Wakefield, vice-president of American Express World Service Ausfailure, which commissioned the survey.

People spoken to by this reporter had some right fekkin horror stories to tell.

“I refuse to go back there” said Neville Again of Grubb Creek, Malawi after a waiter picked his nose whilst serving him and his wife in one of Sydney’s ritziest restaurants.

“We waited 45 minutes for service in a dairy and when the owner finally came out from the back he was in his underpants and kept farting and scratching his nuts” said a couple from Toronto, Canada.

Oswald P Wrong, he eminent lecturer in media-ockeracy from Bummee, NSW said the survey told us what we already knew.

“No one will be surprised to learn the results of this scientific experiment. Ausfailure is the worst in the world at many things so you would hardly expect anything less from this dump” Wrong declared.

“You only have to look at say, the Melbourne Storm scandal to realise that the important things in this place are cheating, dishonesty and corruption. Making a dollar is more important than who you have to trample over to make it” Wrong said.

All but four of the Melbourne Storm players agreed.

In other news New Zealand’s All White football team soared in the rankings following their heroic performance at the FIFA World Cup. Ausfailure did not.

“We wuzz robbed. Again” cried a red carded thug from the Sockerlose.

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