Sockerlose Coach Blasts Players For Being Ockers

Ausfailure’s troubled socker losers suffered the indignity of having their imported coach tell them he was ashamed of their p!sspoor effort against 78th ranked soccer dreamers New Zealand after the abysmal display the green and yellow boofheads tried to pass off as entertainment on Monday night. Sockerlose Coach Pim Verbeek from Holland strongly criticised Tim Cahill and Vince Grella for a lack of professionalism after both players were guilty of reckless tackles in the embarrassing match with New Zealand at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

Verbeek added: “I think in the World Cup that would have been two red cards. I cannot accept this [type of tackle] of course and the players know you should not play the game like this because you cannot afford to go into whatever game and make tackles like that.”

Verbeek substituted both players at half-time but said he thought about taking them off straight away as he feared the visitors would seek retribution on two players he cannot afford to lose to injury so close to the World Cup.

“If I was on the field with the other side I would have been angry so you could expect them to cop something back and that is what they deserved,” he said. “But you can only give compliments to the New Zealand players and the way they behaved themselves. They were professional, my players were not.”

The challenges added to a disappointing night for Ausfailure, it was an unconvincing performance.

Observers were shocked by Verbeek’s comments as they indicated he was out of touch with the culture of Ausfailure and the craparse way the nation performed in the sports arena.

“Looking really bad and unprofessional is pretty good for Ausfailure these days” said Lance Myfacialboils, a lecturer in male grooming from Bummee NSW.

Despite making it obvious that this year’s effort would be a complete and utter embarrassment the Sockerlose have decided to press on to the World Cup in South Africa and show the world just how crap Ausfailure has become at things they used to be quite good at, such as getting away with unprofessionalism in spot.

“We are looking forward to losing this world cup even quicker than we lost all the others” said Wes Theygone, a former fly fishing world champion from Rootmore Creek WA.

Ausfailure recently lost the rugby league world cup to New Zealand and the T20 World Cricket Title to England, a small island north of Brisbane.

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