Ausfailure’s long suffering sports fan jokers were today shamed by a bunch of girl’s blouse wearers as their women’s cricket team succeeded to do what none of their men can do – they beat New Zealand at something.
New Zealand is a small sparsely populated group of islands in the Pacific and current rugby league world champions.
Ausfailure is a former world giant of cricket and famous for bowling an underarm ball to a New Zealand team as they were so sh!t scared of losing to the Kiwi minnows.
Ausfailure’s cricket downfall began after their national cricket board was exposed for trying to cover up a scandal when it was discovered senior members of their team were on the payroll of bookies during the infamous match fixing era during which the luckless losers from Ausfailure managed to stun the world by winning a fair bit.
It has never been revealed how many matches were fixed to allow Ausfailure to win but looking at recent results one would have to say it was most of them.
Hollow victories are nothing new to the former penile colony. For example during the 1999 Rugby League World Cup tournament it has since been revealed that Gordon Tallis complained to team officials that certain players were taking drugs which made them ineligible for selection. In true ACB style an informal investigation revealed nothing. A decade later one of those players wrote a book celebrating his drug abuse. He comes from the Newcastle Knights club although he not one of the numerous Knights players currently facing criminal charges from drug dealing.
It has never been explained how the player managed to escape detection, causing concerns of yet more ACB style cover ups.
While it is not known if drug related cover ups are an everyday ockerance in Ausfailure many are awaiting the outcome of an ongoing investigation which saw police recover cellphone footage of a high profile player snorting a white substance up his nose during a criminal investigation into one of the numerous gang rape allegations that have plagued Ausfailure’s sports pages for most of this decade.
While the dickless Aussie sheilas are teaching the blokes how to shove it up the Kiwi chute the dickless Aussie blokes are now taking it up the pooper from the poms. This morning Aussies awoke to the earth shattering news that their once world beating cricket champions rolled over and put butter on the pommie dong as it slid up their collective sphincter as England (not even a real country) reamed them to a 7 wicket rodgering in the mens final.
The Aussie sheilas faced the New Zealand Women’s team but remarkably manged to avoid losing.
The Kiwi lasses were stunned by Ausfailure’s efforts.
“These girls can actually play the game pretty well’ said Kiwi fast bowler Rangi Hangipants.
“They not the sort of chicks who Greg Ingliss or Brett Stewart would want to tangle with, these girls fight back” she continued.
The Mens selecters are rueing not sending the sheila team out in the mens final.
“We still would have lost, but at least they would have put up a challenge” said a source close to a source.
Meanwhile the Aussie girls are out celebrating and the jokers are once more licking their wounds.
Local pubs have been alerted to the news and local men have been warned to be wary of drunken Aussie slappers with blood engorged labia on the rampage looking for men to have group sex with as the Wallaroots celebrate a rare win.
