Ausfailure ready for Four Nations Defeat

A Loser

A Loser

Good luck to the hapless and long suffering sports fans from Ausfailure as your down and out downunders try to scrape together yet another hollow victory against the World Champion Kiwi Rugby League Team.

Inside word is that Ausfailure have a secret weapon in the form of a designer Nathan Van Fein from Holland.

Good supply’s of heroin are in camp for the team’s numerous drug addicts and drug tests will be screened to ensure no positives results are recorded as usual. Players have all signed a document promising not to write books later telling other players how they cheated on drugs for a decade and played whilst ineligible.

Players wives and girlfriends have all been given one black eye and a promise of another one unless they shut the fugg up about the first one.

Local women have been advised to be vigilant in the toilets when taking a sh!t lest the Ocker perverts see this as an invitation for gang rape.

The Ausfailure coach has been given secret instructions on the location of the airports secret back door on his arrival at home should the unthinkable happen.

Pre-sales of the memorable ‘Ausfailure are the champions’ winners football have been slow.

Ausfailure’s planned post final winners celebration location is a well kept secret but insiders reveal that as a result of their no show after losing the Leeds Tri Nations final 24 – 0 to New Zealand all venues approached demanded payment up front and that team management promise to cover up each and every rape and sexual assault with a further pre-paid bond.

Players have also been required to promise not to film each other snorting banned drugs again.

On a positive note tournament organisers have booked accommodation for the New Zealand team up to the final.

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