Ausfailure Drug Cheat Numbers Swell For Olympic Glory

When Rugby League role model and celebrated national hero Andrew Johns boasted about taking banned drugs for a decade without punishment a year ago he obviously he sent a message to other athletes from Ausfailure not quite good enough to compete without cheating. That message was ‘take any drugs you like, you’ll probably get away with it for a decade like I did’.

While it’s generally accepted that Aussies need no encouragement to cheat it is always a matter of concern to see high profile players making it obvious there are serious shortcomings with whatever passes for a drug testing regime in third world countries like Ausfailure.

Given the well documented shortcomings and cover ups of sporting officialdom in Ausfailure the following story shows that at least some token drug testing is carried out. Oswald P Wrong, the eminent lecturer on Australian Cultural Matters at the University of Bummee, NSW and life time weight watcher said today “Clearly this is the tip of the iceberg and the actual numbers of drug cheats currently competing in international competitions from the penile colony could be in the millions, given the corruption that seems to follow Ausfailure around like a wet fart clinging to your undies.”

Wrong, a long time sufferer of incontinence, then excused himself to change his underwear. Again.

Source Story

DRUG cheat athletes are being caught in increasing numbers, with authorities warning they are determined to keep the Beijing Olympics clean.

Twenty-nine drug cheats were caught in Australia in the past year, figures released to the Sunday Herald Sun reveal.

The results were announced as Customs warned our Olympians to prepare for an explosion of performance enhancing drugs in China.

Fifty per cent of athletes are expected to be drug tested during the Olympics.

Sixteen Australian athletes were banned for more than 21 years of competition in the past 12 months, two were given warnings and 11 cases are pending.

Sports included cycling, boxing, athletics, equestrian, weightlifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, ice hockey and water polo.

Commonwealth gold medal cyclist Nathan O’Neill and Stawell Gift winner Nathan Allen were the highest profile scalps.

The result was up almost 25 per cent on last year.

Customs national investigations manager Richard Janeczko said China was a major producer of performance-enhancing drugs and they would be widely available in Beijing.

Footnote: Ausfailure has a rich history of international competition such as the following episode:

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