Aussie Loses First Olympic Medal Before Games Even Start

Sports fans from Ausfailure were gutted today when yet another attempt to send a player to the Olympics by rorting the rules was trounced by The Court of Arbitration for Sport.

This follows hot on the heals of FIFA laughing off an attempt by Football Ausfailure to play a banned player during the Bejing games. ( Full Shocking Story Here )

In the latest rort to be uncovered as Ausfailure trys by any means fair or foul to win something somewhere Ausfailure named an athlete who they knew was not eligible to compete in their Pentathlon line up.

The player was a ring in from Kazakhstan, a country made famous by film star Borat when he traveled to the US and A to learn cultural lessons. Obviously he stopped off on his way home in Ausfailure and picked up a few tips from that tip as well. That’s my tip.

Sources from Ausfailure are said to be scouring the world looking for other medal prospects given that they have so little sporting talent of their own to fall back on.

Original Story Follows

– – –

Aussie Lose First Medal Before Games Even Begin

Spot the loser

Spot the loser


Modern Pentathlon Australia says it is extremely disappointed that one of its athletes has been forced off the Olympic team for the Beijing Games.

The Kazakhstan-born modern pentathlete Alex Parygin can not compete at this year’s Games because last year’s Oceania Championships have been deemed to be an invalid qualifying competition.

The Court of Arbitration for Sport ruling came down this morning saying Parygin’s qualification from the Championships were not official because the events did not include showjumping due to equine influenza.

The British Modern Pentathlon Association had brought forward the complaint, and it is likely one of its athletes will take Parygin’s place.

The president of Modern Pentathlon Australia Jason Pennell says it is a blow to the sport and athlete.

“You have got to remember he has come to Australia from where he was effectively the Ian Thorpe of Kazakhstan,” he said.

“He has come to a country where nobody cares really as to his achievements at the Olympic Games and elsewhere and he has had difficulty in settling in to Australia.”

“So I feel very sorry for him and this will come as a great blow to him.”

Parygin, a gold medallist at Atlanta, is clearly devestated by the decision and is looking for more input by the Australian Olympic Committee.

“Where is Olympic Committee? Australian Olympic Committee.. they should fight for my place because it is unacceptable like this,” he said.

Parygin says he was a medal chance but was due to retire after the games.

C.E.O of The Australian Commission For Cheating , Dishonesty and Corruption Oswald P Wrong said the ruling was a blow to Ausfailure’s ability to cheat internationally at all sports other than rugby league.

Comments are closed.