The Green and Golden Shower
Ausfailure today accepted that it had earned the tile of the Green and Golden Shower following the historic loss to New Zealand (again) in the Netball Test held at Waitakarie between the Silver Ferns and Ausfailure.
New Zealand scored a record 61 points against the former world champion Aussies.
Australian sources were distraught at the loss and sobbed uncontrollebly at yet another hammering by New Zealand, which is a small sparsely populated group of islands in the Pacific.
Aussies have now come to accept getting thrashed by Kiwis at sport and many are suggesting giving sport up altogther unless the Prime Minister of Ausfailure seeks a ‘gentleman’s agreement with New Zealand which would give Ausfailure a quota of wins every now and then.
Sources close to the New Zealand Prime Minister’s office laughed off the suggestion saying that it would not be possible to have a gentleman’s agreement with the Aussie Prime Minister until they elected a gentleman to the post.
The world’s leading authority on Aussie mediockeracy Oswald P Wrong said that losing to New Zealand was now becoming common place in sport and pointed to the advanced methods of detecting performance enhancing drugs as the main scapegoat for the abysmal efforts of Aussie sports people around the globe.
“Sure, Greg Norman was a choker and we snapped out boat in half at San Diego but the other losses are hard to explain” he burbled.
“We have 23 million people here and New Zealand have only about one seventh of that so we should beat them at everything” he continued.
“But we are getting hammered almost daily now and unless we can find new ways to cheat we will keep getting hammered” Wrong confirmed.
Fans from Ausfaliure agreed.
“We need to look at establishing a system of handicapping that will give us a start in sports against New Zealand” said a prominent cheat from Toowoomba, South Queensland.
“We need 30 points start in rugby league, 60 points in Netball and about 100 in rugby union” he said from behind his modem.
Sporting hacks from leading rags in Ausfailure echoed the calls for more cheating.
Speaking from his Newcastle office a leading rugby league correspondent pointed out that the Newcastle Knights won the NRL competition with it’s ‘glow in the dark’ team of celebrated drug cheats but this year was lucky to even muster enough manpower to come last.
“In reality, coming last was an outstanding effort considering how crap the Knights played” the journalist slurred as he ordered another case of vodka.
Broncos fans insisted that the salary cap was to blame for their poor showings over the last decade.
“How the hell are we expected to compete with the rest of the teams if we can’t rort the salary cap year in year out” said a former player from his Gold Coast mansion.
“With Bronco Billy out of the game we have to win on our merits now” he sobbed.
New Zealand is expected to make a formal apology about the uselessness of sports teams from Ausfailure at the Olympic Opening Ceremony as it explains why the Aussies have not turned up.
