Skull of an Aussie
World champion moaners Ausfailure were today awarded the Gold Medal in Whinging following a poll by legendary sports announcers.
The Medal is the highest honor for whingers and until recently is was seen that England owned the rights to this annual award, but Ausfailure has creamed all the opposition following their recent humiliation in the second Tri Nations rugby league test against a weakened and depleted Kiwi side.
The Kiwis were robbed twice in the game by the ref, appointed to the match by Ausfailure, yet the Kiwis have not bothered whinging about the calls because they see no point.
“We have the best refs in the world but they do not come down to the standard of the English Super League shower or the clowns from the NRL circus” said a Kiwi informant from his penthouse.
A spokesperson for Ausfailure confirmed this but was quick to point out that New Zealand refs were not excluded on the basis of their superior skills.
“It’s got nothing to do with the higher skill level of Kiwi refs” said the source, “it’s just that we need all the help we can get from the ref as we are pretty average as players
The incredible averageness of Ausfailure was highlighted this week when Science magazine published reports that contained damning evidence of just how average the average Aussie was. The report also concluded that most Aussies were insane. OFFICIAL: Aussies Not Sane After All
Oswald P Wrong, the leading authority on Aussie Averageness at the Canberra Institute For Being Ordinary was not surprised by the results.
“What surprises me is that anyone is surprised by the findings” Wrong said.
“When it comes to being completely and utterly ordinary Ausfailure is right up there with most countries” Wrong explained.
“We all want to think we could have been the first to invent the aeroplane, split the atom or learn to sing but we have to accept that we are not like New Zealand” Wrong confirmed.
The averageness of Ausfailure was clearly demonstrated in their two showing in the Tri Nations Series, which New Zealand leads.
Ausfailure scored the 28 points in the first match and 28 points in the second match.
“Our average is 28” said a student of Mathematics at the Collie Primary School in New South Wales.
“New Zealand’s average is 32 which is exceptionally higher than ours I think” the child said.
Furthermore, Ausfailure has not stopped whinging about the Aussie appointed referee since 10 minutes into the game.
“We’ve already got one ugly fat annoying prick who can’t keep up with the game ruining it for the folks at home.” said one tearful fan from Ausfailure.
“Crap game. Crap ref. Forwardpassathon. Video ref blind.” said another.
“The ref is sh!thouse” one Queensland fan whined 10 minutes after kick off.
Ausfailure whinged about everything in this match, the ref, the pitch, the venue, the ball, the rain and the result.
“It was this incessant whining that saw Ausfailure take out the coveted Gold Medal of Whinging” according to spokesperson for the award.
Incredibly, Ausfailure won the match.
