Australia or Ausfailure?

Australians were to day reeling from yet another humiliation on the sports field as their alleged world champion rugby league team succumbed to a 4th string Kiwi team in Sydney on Saturday night.

The Kiwis chances were weakened as usual by various skulduggery by the fear fueled Australian tryhards but as usual this did not stop the Kiwis from turning up and giving it their best shot, beating the pretenders by 38 points to 28.

Various Aussie experts were predicting a 40 point win to the Aussies such was the advantage they had been given before the game by their usual means.

Australians sources were said to be gutted by the humiliation.

“We clearly have not done enough to scuttle the Kiwis yet” said a suicidal fan queuing at the top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. “It’s just not fair that they still turn up and keep beating us” he said as he threw himself off.

Other Aussies were similarly despondent about the rampant Kiwi winning machine.

A source for the ARL was said to be furious at the Kiwis for playing and winning. “We have spent the last week with our hands on our hips, hissing and stamping our feet and threatening to pull out of the Tri-Series unless the Poms and Kiwis let us win and we thought we had an agreement on that” he sobbed.

“Clearly we cannot trust the Kiwis to let us win and unless we can secure a guarantee that they will not beat us in future matches then we will simply refuse to play them at all” he declared.

Australians usually suspend key Kiwis but were unable to do it this year due to the games being held outside of the NRL competition, won by the New Zealand B team of West Tigers.

“This year we had the clubs refuse to release players for minor surgery, and really, we thought that would have been enough to sabotage the Kiwis effort” said an Australian cheat. “But with the wins coming relentlessly we will have to look for a final solution to the “Kiwi disease” of beating Australia at pretty much everything.” he concluded.

Meanwhile Kiwis were not surprised by the win. “The Kiwis were playing Australia, so there is always the chance of the Kiwis pulling off a win” said a random Kiwi league fan, “we beat them quite a lot really which is a surprise when you consider they pick our team for us.”

Australian Prime Minister John Howard was waiting on word from his leaders in the US before commenting but was said to be looking at changing his country’s name to Ausfailure given the way Aussies are perfecting the art of losing at pretty near everything these days.

Australia plays New Zealand again on Friday 21st at Ericson Stadium in the second test and it is hoped that the Aussies will have stopped crying by then.

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