Kiwis Announce 4th String Team To Play Australia

dingoNew Zealand today was allowed to announce it’s rugby league team to play Australia in the upcoming Tri-Nations series.

The team is: Brent Webb, Jake Webster, Paul Whatuira, Clinton Toopi, Manu Vatuvei, Nigel Vagana, Stacey Jones, Paul Rauhihi, Lance Hohaia, Ruben Wiki, David Kidwell, Frank Pritchard and Louis Anderson.

On the bench are David Faiumu, Roy Asotasi, Nathan Cayless and David Solomona.

Australian sources were outraged at the team being announced.

“We thought we had made all eligible players ineligible” said an unnamed professor of skulduggery at the Australia Institute of Bad-sportsmanship in Canberra.

“We obviously missed this lot” he sobbed.

Kiwi selectors were unapologetic said an insider.

“The Aussies can go and take a running jump at themselves” the source was said to have said.

It is believed the Kiwi coaching staff were being pragmatic about the team’s chances given that most of the Kiwis playing in the NRL competition were ruled out of contention by their clubs.  The Aussie clubs defended their appalling behavior saying they had no choice but to play the ratbag given the timing of the Tri-Nations series.

“Usually the NRL judiciary rubs out the key players out with a few quick suspensions and we’ve always been able to get the support of the English Super League clubs to make our job easier but this year we have the series after the competition ends so we’ve had to find new ways to sh!t ion the Kiwis” said a spokesperson for the Aussie clubs.

The Aussie clubs denied they were unhappy with playing the mongrel. “Not at all”, said a mongrel from one of the clubs, “we are just doing what we have to do to make sure that Australia remains at the top of the international rugby league ladder, and if that means playing a 4th string team from New Zealand then until we are brave enough to face a full strength team then we will simply pull stunts like this to make our boys job easier”.

The Kiwi camp refused to give in however, causing anger amongst Australian league fans.

“The Kiwis should simply not turn up to play us” whinged a Canterbury Bankstown gang member. “They could still win and then we end up looking stupid.” said the stupid looking fan.

“It’s simply not fair for the Kiwis to still front up” said a fan from North Queensland. “We’ve shafted them and they should chicken out and forfeit the game to us” he bawled.

Kiwi fans were not so suicidal. “Our boys will front up all righty” said Karl R Kothanga, a long time fan from Mangere, “what is more they will smash the living snot out of the Ocker pretenders and give them a taste of Kiwi, don’t you worry about that” he roared.

Aussie referee Russel Smith dismissed the fan’s outburst as the typical response from a sheepshagger Kiwi.

“The Kiwis will have no chance, I’ll see to that” he promised his employers.

Meanwhile in other news the Australian Drug Cheating Agency promised to speed up work on new masking drugs which it was hoped would see the return to Australia’s playing ranks of some of their most celebrated drug cheats.

“We simply must find new ways to cheat with drugs if Australia is ever going to win anything again” he mused.

The Australian Cricket Board refused to comment saying they were working on covering up the story.

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