2003 Season Preview

Bluey Crackersport Reports From New Zealand

With just a couple of days to go before season 2003 kicks off there have already been several casualties.

Craig Coleman was given the bums rush at Souths after continuing in the Souths tradition of losing heaps of games in a row.

“Tradition is all very well when it suits you” said Souths General George Piggens from his Redfern bunker, “but this chaps taken it a bit far” he said.

Coleman was unavailable for comment in family newspapers.

When asked who would be taking over from his former buddy Piggens said “Some poor bastard”.

And while some are tipping a champagne year for the once proud Bulldogs the police are keeping their mouths shut over allegations of sexual shenanigans involving a 42 year-old woman and 3 Bulldog players.

The women complained that she was a victim of a non-consensual sex romp with the threesome after returning to a players room for a stiff talking to.

“I was chewing the fat with one of the guys” the woman claims, “when all of a sudden I realised something wasn’t right” she spat.

“Off to the corner I noticed a Bulldog player pulling himself and when I turned to my partner I noticed he was no longer circumcised” she claimed.

Bulldogs management were playing down the allegations saying that most of their players pulled themselves in public. “Look at Willie Mason for example” said a coach who wished to remain anonymous.

Police expect to conclude their cover up in a few weeks.

Further north Cowboys management were ecstatic at the amount of season tickets sold after the team finished 11th last season.

“Cripes Shag” said a source close to the accounts department, “when you think how utterly crap we’ve been year in year out this really is a testament to the stupidity of Queenslanders” he said.

“Some never learn” he frothed.

Meanwhile Broncoes officials were still awaiting an investigation into their alleged salary cap breaches.

“I just hope it’s early in the season said an alleged player “that way we don’t end up losing all our points in the lead up to the finals”

In New Zealand the NZRL is all but set to sign up Daniel Anderson for the Kiwi Coach’s’ job according to an an-named source close to a source.

“They just want to run it past the Blackheart campaigners first to get their approval” the insider said.

One former Blackheart said he could see no problem in having an Aussie coach the Kiwi team. “Most of them are Australian citizens anyway” he said.

NZRL sources refuted this claim and said it was a clear case of sour grapes following the announcement that the Kiwi slogan for the up coming one off tri annual test would be ‘Fair slice of the pineapple donut ref’

“Fans can be kept up to date with the full NRL season by logging on to the best rugby league website in the world http://www.rleague.com ” said Rleague editor in chief Matthew O’Neil in a self penned editorial on the site.

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